I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
