i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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