Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
