Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
