allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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