Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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