I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
