I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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