how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
