I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
