This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
