She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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