we have officially lost it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
