bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
