how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
