your parents love me but you hate me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
