I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
