it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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