i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
