I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
