Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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