and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
