i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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