We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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