WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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