Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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