I can tuck mytits in my pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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