I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
