listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
