I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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