How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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