YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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