i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
