I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
