Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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