so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
