I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
