Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
