and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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