Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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