Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
