dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
