i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
