well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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