did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
