A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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