I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
