..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
