I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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