I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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