I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
